Not sleepy and practicing my English!

I am not sleepy. Well, I am sleepy actually, but I am too depressed to sleep. Besides I want to catch some time alone in front of the PC with others sleeping. I was reading my previous posts and boy, do they seem to have grammar errors. Any way, this is hardly any thing to talk about. This is the closest to a daily diary and I also get to practice my English, so there.

I hate IGNOU

I really hate it and I hate all the people out of whose fear I took admission into it. Every semester is a danger of not having daily classes or any classes at all and instead staying inside the four walls of my room going crazy. This has happened for 6 years now and 4 years out of those 6 made me crazy and regretful. That's the freaking legacy of IGNOU.

When I was in BCA, all I knew was people doing jobs or regular colleges did IGNOU's BCA on the side and they would only attend tuitions in the evening, so I skipped it. The money was a factor too. But there were tuitions in the morning and the ambience was like a real college because all the students weren't doing any thing else regular. What a big miss!

So for 1 year I somehow hobbled along with those students completing my BCA and made friends too. But regrets always hung in my mind, big regrets. And I had even regular MCA classes for the last 6 months. But now what happens? It's the same freaking story again of students not wanting to attend classes. So I am left in uncertainty, screaming inside the four walls of my room. What a crappy university with its crappy students. Takes you ages to make sense of it and by that time it's bye-bye time. It's like missing 10 years worth of Diwali, Christmas, birthdays and every other celebratory occasion for a kid and regretting it when you grow up. It's so depressing. And the only reason it happened was because fucking kids mocked me for being fat and looking stupid in school which ultimately through its manifestation made me start staying indoors for the last 8 years. Thank you very much kids and people in general for mocking me and talking behind my back. I just want to go bald and become a Buddhist monk or something...yeah, that sounds like a good idea. At least I will achieve something then and help others.

It's such a sad life. I hope those kids and grown ups who mocked me get ignored to death to the point of hanging themselves.

What's with the wrong grammar and spellings people use?

It seems that most people didn't study anything in their language classes in school. They use wrong spellings and wrong grammar while typing and it just so happens that I am impressionable so that I uncontrollably start emulating those language mistakes and it causes me great frustration. Earlier when I myself was in a great school or at least in an acceptable school, my environment was conducive to maintaining my language skills. We had to frequently write our course commitments (test answers etc. ) in the proper language, we got to read the proper language and we would be checked by our teachers for proper language. But all that got left out when I took admission in the very low-profile environment of my distance education university. All I met were students whose language skills (in a particular language) were atrocious. It no doubt came from their not receiving a proper education from government schools. Then I come on the internet and it seems 70 % of the internet population were TERRIBLE students in their school's language classes. Can you believe this? I get my verbal language skills messed and then I get my written and reading skills messed. What a pathetic environment I have gotten myself into for the last 6 years. Disease really means you lose money and skills. If these monkeys had spent even a quarter of their time concentrating their language skills then they wouldn't infect others with their pestilence.

Staying in stasis will cause me regrets my whole life

I should have gone to a regular college. But I joined a distance college with crappy weekend classes because it strained my nerves too much to be in public for long periods of time in those days. And because I was too worried about my back. It was complacence on my part with life long regrets about it. It's like you know eating too much will make you fat but you still eat. I should have gone to a regular college. I would have been with all those lovely college girls even if I probably wouldn't have talked with them. At least I would have caught their lovely sights every day instead of being imprisoned in the four walls of my room and masturbating off to online pornography. For six years my life was stunted, retarded, dysfunctional...I was wallowing in my own vomit. And my mother didn't push me towards betterment. Maybe she was too tired from my previous failures. I am sick of the legacy of those 6 years. Since late 22 I started worrying about turning old. Who thinks such things when they're 22? My mentally sick self did. Those worries persist till now. I should have been normal and gone out much mixing with people. My life's been really sick. I've been dysfunctional. I don't particularly like my life. Every few years it becomes worse. I was born to suffer it seems.

Stasis and complacence are the most terrible things. If I had moved when I wasn't liking my situation and gone to the psychologists, and listened to them, I would have been more contented today. But I destroy myself by being inertial, staying at one place and doing things like biting my nails while staring into the air, or some more icky things.